Bitch. Sit. Down. Shit.

A good shit show is a voyeuristic force to reckon with.

The malodorous stench of another's shit hitting the fan does not pull away the peeping Tom in all of us. With this view, our own shit does not stink.

It it's not my shit. Not my problem. Bullshit.

Well, my shit, and, a bull's too, does stink. Not because of incurable cancer, but just because I am ... human.

Those that know me, are well aware, I'll shit anywhere.

Sorry for this shitty start.

I do not want to talk about shit. I am getting off the pot.

There is not space on this center stage...you pass all the stages to right. I came in through the fourth door...it's the only one....left. This is a journey of becoming my fucking best.

I will flush the toilet now.

Like a aromatic, herb growing, all wise knowing, holistic, hippy, Eugene mamma, I am composting the last year of my life.

Salvaging the reusable parts to build a grounded; healthy; spacious, overall existence. I am grateful to be on stage, I knew I would - and, literally, I will, like, for real.

As I perfect, practice and immerse myself in truth, and like the hard truth; I am exposed and I am real. I cried, fought, laughed, gained so much strength, then fell backwards down the stairs. I have yet to create the best years of my life, so there is definitely going to be to be A LOT of years to come. I feel scared. I feel loss.

I feel like..well, stage diving.

But, I am growing up (what does mean in your 40's...?) I am opening up, I am honoring the fact that I am far from alone on this stage.

I am humbled; and, Bitch, I sat down. I will not stumble as much if I step out of the spotlight. I am not ready to shine just yet. Like a bridesmaid that just ate poisoned food, there are plenty of times I may still seem a sh*t show...Look away, but now ya need that mess to grow.

I am wasting time if I don't search for the gifts on this stage. I am far from alone here.

I share this stage with so many Warriors of all kinds, Diosa's, Doctors, healers, every ounce of every faith. They are here too. And guides, Gods, energy, Holy Spirit, all of the things not seen on the stage are holding the light. I have so much to learn, appreciate, create, change and become.

I have been quiet. With respect, I sit down. I sit in all my sh*it, but not to take one...I already told ya, I got off the pot. The grass is, literally greener on the other side. Pun intended.

I need all of you, on stage or not, to #lovecancer for all I CANdo, not sitting in what I can NOT. I live with a new relationship, so I can't #fuckcancer, it is not not a one night stand.

I am reaching out to hold it's hand....and, listen. Might just be the best love of my life.

I will take a bathroom breaks, and, not just anywhere.

I want to pick this sh*t up off the of the floor, but it's where I start.

Like a sophisticated palate, I will step into the light and be a strong voice...thankful that it will take YEARS till I am done. And when you see me there, honestly, creating a new shade of pink...hopefully, you'll smile at me and think...wow, Nikki's shit really don't stink. :)

And, instead, begin to see the door to stage four is not the only one left...