Am I ok?

Are you?

The simple answer is, Yes! To the cashier, waitress, peers, and, all daily interactions...I am better than ok! However, I have struggled to answer you because, truth is, I don't think it's the question you meant to ask. Or, the real truth, I don't know how to answer.

Because.

You. Know. Me.

Unlike menial daily encounters, you know too much to be so simple. But, I cannot bring myself to say I am not ok. So, I haven't. But, I also cannot nonchalantly, or solidly , say I am ok. So, I haven't.

How does a cat get one's tongue? I am stumped. I am not stuck.

Words feel heavy. That heaviness, ironically, feels enlightening..

In my silence, I can hear my purpose growling.

Like the Cheshire cat, my smile gains mystery.

That's ok.

Today. I don't know what ok is.

Because I don't understand how to be different than who I have always been.

Yesterday. Ok was such an easy game to play.

I believe, that's ok.

And the fight to rebuild, change or manage major life shifts, is, definitely, littered with all the feels that are 'not ok.' We will never be great and continue to grow wise if we are always ok. So, I am growing up. And, I am not ok. Now. But,I don't think for one second, that life isn't fair or that I am a victim to the verbal commitment I made apparently to always be ok.

Life is fair.

Participate.

I am.

Accepting.

I am.

Am I ok?

I will be.

I'll be better than ok.

Thank you for asking :) Please. Keep. Asking.